Heya.
yuni's entry struck me. where is My Life heading to.? if onli i know.
i wanna be...
a teacher, yes. a psychologist, ouh yeah. an optician/optometrist, maria's influence. a doctor, i'd wish. newscaster, thought of it before. lawyer, woo fancy.
...or maybe, life's too short to be any of them.?
primarily. i wanna graduate. and get myself a degree. make dad n mum contented. get a driving license. for my vespa. i dun care wad happens next. dying would be great. god. pls let me die a proper muslim. and i'd be the happiest soul ever. but then again, life's not ALL bout ME and ONLY ME.
spent my morning in yishun's polyclinic. have yet to find out anything. onli got a referral letter to KKHospital. gawd. stop leaving us in suspense. i hate it. i hate it. i hate it.
and i hate myself for being so hopeless. i wanna graduate NOW. i wanna learn all there is bout medicines, NOW. i wanna be able to help and make a difference, NOW. i hate myself for being so hopelessly Useless.
overall, i hate the fact tat my parents have to go thru this, once again.
dearest god whom i luv wif all of my heart,
i pray hard tat u answer my prayers. though it's all ur will, dun take him away from us. at least not so soon. You took my dearest sister when we least expected it. not now, not again. please god. please i beg of you.
i just cant stand the sight and the smell of hospitals. and i hate doctors and their painful chemotherapy treatments tat made my sister's last days, a torment. when they blardy hell knew nothing more can be done. curse u all. u hear me.? curse u...
urgh. wth. i noe every living thing dies soon enuf. im a bio student for goodness sakes! but i just simple cant understand why blardy educated people try inventing ways to cure others, when they're actually killing them. for experiments.? we're not ur test subjects. blardy hell.
chemotherapy?? steroid.?? for god's sake! that blardy tumour was at her brain stem. or wherever it was. nothing more can be done! assholes.
screw you all. screw you all. screw you all. screw you all. screw you.
k fine. i'll stop this. im tired of being emo. scared. hopelessly useless. wad else.? ME. im simply tired of being me.
just hope tat tmr will be better. may bowling and swensens clear my troubled mind and wash away my sanity. i'm counting on yall.
*wake my dreams.*